My Maternity Shoot
The Becoming, & manifestation of a what it means to be a mother has been an experience all on it's own for me. I never seen myself as a mother, or ever thought that I could ever poses those qualities. I believed for so long that I had to be married, have my career settled, and have that amazing house before this chapter could ever unfold. Little did I know God had a very different plan for me. Now that i'm less then 5 weeks from my due date, I don't believe i'm at all ready, or even prepared to say the least. What I do know is that i have so much love, and support that I can not fail. To fail is to not even try, and I want to try to be the best person in my daughters life. Someone she can look up to, to show her that I will always chase after my heart and dreams. I want to show this little girl that she is strong enough, because her mom was strong enough and i'll continue to be strong for her and our family!
If there are any mommas out there that are in the same situation as me you will whether the storm. it has been a very emotional 8.5 almost 9 months for me. I have to be honest I don't think i've ever cried this much in a long time! I supposed i'll just blame it all on the hormones. Just know it's okay to cry. It's okay to feel like this little human is taking over your entire life, and you just want to abort the ship. I've had many nights where i felt like it was just too big of a task for me to handle. I'm also in a long distance relationship so the cuddles, and emotional support you'd get from your significant other wasn't really there at times. I Have to be honest. We live in a world of perfection. I'd go on Instagram late at night and watch all of these gorgeous bloggers just cruising through their pregnancies with so much love, and grace, that it made me feel so sad. I felt like I was lacking in every category. Lacking in love, lacking in beauty, lacking in just my whole experience. I realized now that every situation is different. That maybe what they showcase on instagram is only what they want us to see. So I'm here to tell you my truth. IT WAS DAMN FUCKING EMOTIONAL & HARD. POINT BLANK.
There would be days where i just lost all motivation to do anything. My skin got so bad I never wanted to go out. The feeling of not being attractive sinks in, and all you could think about is how to get your body back afterwards. Lets not even begin with the idea of your vagina stretching so big it might not go back to normal. lol. I've had anxiety over the dumbest things these past 8.5 months. If any mommies to be are reading this i feel like you can all relate when i say it's lonely. Lonely in the sense that you feel like you've died for 9 months. Regular things you'd normally do you can't do anymore. Going out has become a burden on your single friends and, everyone around you who isn't pregnant or has kids suddenly can't relate anymore. All these feelings and more has given me so much insight on my own strength. How much I didn't know I could sacrifice for this little human. I believe God puts us through these emotions and this period to teach us that we ARE CAPABLE, that we are made for so much more!
Coming to the end of this journey, you reach a point of bliss, and happiness. Did i enjoy most of it? No, but I don't think I would have changed it for anything. I recently went to my 4D ultra sound and looking at her face for the first time was such a good feeling. She is half of me and half of the person I love the most. I don't think I could have asked for more. My biggest advice now looking back is to take it one day at a time, to laugh and enjoy the experience, and to be patient with your boyfriend or husband. They will eventually pull through. To trust the process. I've learned, and still am learning to let go. Let go of the person I was to become the person God will transform me into. I'm so excited to start this new chapter and share all of my growing pains with you all! Thank you for supporting me till now! I love you all, until next time!