I AM Niki.
Looking back on 2015, I would say it was very bitter sweet. I've learned so much about myself, people, and the world around me. I started the year with friends that I've known for majority of my life after high school, and now as I sit here writing to you all, I'll be ending it with new faces. It's crazy how life has a way of working itself out. When 2015 Started I didn't have much confidence- independence-strength-self worth, and money the list can go on. In a nutshell I wasn't okay, but I was pretending to be. Taking that first big step to separate myself for a while so that I could focus my mind, and learn about who I was, it was honestly the best and hardest thing I did in 2015. Sometimes when we think of the idea of possibly being alone, we become fearful that it'll last forever. I promise you it wont! I felt that way for a long time. I hated the idea of being "on my own", not having someone to talk to when I'm sad, or to hold me when I cried. In all honesty, I've already been doing all those things and more alone anyways. Sometimes it'd be in my car, my room and in the shower. Looking back, I don't think I was afraid to be alone, but to be alone with the person I was. When we're in someone else's presences we tend to forget our own. So that loneliness isn't so strong, and who you are doesn't seem so big because of the people that are around you, they distract you, and for a moment you could escape from yourself. Being alone, and being okay with that, was one of the greatest lessons God has taught me this year. No one ever talks about the pros of leveling up to this mindset. You begin to love the person you are, because you've spent so much time with him/her. You begin to love "me time". I watch movies and eat dinner by myself. This year I even took myself on a date to SF and went ice skating! I feel more calm, and at peace when things go wrong because I've gotten to know this wonderful person inside of me, and I know that even if today isn't the best this person that I've gotten to know is strong enough to handle it. This year I've dated myself, and damn it felt good! I put myself first for the first time. I was honest with myself and I'm so proud. 2015 was anything short from easy, but I wouldn't change how it was at all. This year I got the privilege to travel. I met so many people that I look up to in my industry who believe in me! My skills at coloring have improved by so much, I'm still learning but as long as I'm making progress! I've found myself again, and I'm so excited to see where this new discovery will take me! One of my all time favorite quotes is "everything works out in the end, and if it doesn't- it's not the end yet." I hope that you all can bring in the new year not forgetting to love yourself. To discover that hidden gem inside of you! I can't promise you if you are ringing in the new year alone that it'll be easy, and that there won't be tears. However, at the end of it all I can promise you happiness, because I've found it and it was just hidden inside of me all along. I love you all so much! I pray this new year will bring you all joy, happiness and many great accomplishments! Happy New Years my Supernova's!